Am I actually a char siew

[arsenalfc85]

Your role is to try your best to keep him alive.
Cannot care whether he is happy or not.
Your old man is the prisoner of aging and health.

Actually true

my role is to just keep him alive

no point to remove tube n feed him n expose him to all the unnecessary risks , or let him smoke n destroy his already weak body. Cuz like what bro @cyke69sg mentioned, my dad still seem like he has years to go, so it definitely makes sense to get him to slowly build up his swallowing ability first, then slowly get him back to eating safely rather than rushing thru it

unless the circumstances change n my dad is deteriorating fast, to the point that prolonging is really futile n making him suffer only, then maybe that stage then let him do what he likes

for now the challenge is only how to get him to exercise his limbs and exercise to build up his swallowing ability. Not easy, cuz he can be reluctant to do them n usually me n my helper will have to bear the brunt of his anger and frustrations. It’s not easy to be a dementia patient’s 出气筒 and not take it personally but rather accept it that it’s part of the patient’s behavior

now I’m also worried if i go back to work, then my helper one person if she’s able to cope. Not sure whether to get a second helper or get help from outside.

 

[cyke69sg]

Actually true

my role is to just keep him alive

no point to remove tube n feed him n expose him to all the unnecessary risks , or let him smoke n destroy his already weak body. Cuz like what bro @cyke69sg mentioned, my dad still seem like he has years to go, so it definitely makes sense to get him to slowly build up his swallowing ability first, then slowly get him back to eating safely rather than rushing thru it

unless the circumstances change n my dad is deteriorating fast, to the point that prolonging is really futile n making him suffer only, then maybe that stage then let him do what he likes

for now the challenge is only how to get him to exercise his limbs and exercise to build up his swallowing ability. Not easy, cuz he can be reluctant to do them n usually me n my helper will have to bear the brunt of his anger and frustrations. It’s not easy to be a dementia patient’s 出气筒 and not take it personally but rather accept it that it’s part of the patient’s behavior

now I’m also worried if i go back to work, then my helper one person if she’s able to cope. Not sure whether to get a second helper or get help from outside.

Hope things work out well for you bro.
Take care.
You are good enough

 

[FD Trinitron]

TS I was in similar situation like you previously. My dad was wheelchair bound and almost bedridden, he doesn't have dementia though but he has problem eating, speech therapist checked and said he need to be on pureed food. My dad's hobby is watching TV until there was a time he asked me to adjust the TV as it's not clear to him, digital TV is either 0% or 100% viewable, no such thing as not clear, so confirm his vision got problem, ended up he asked me to turn off the TV, so his quality of life seriously degraded and his favorite is to eat but then pureed food is very bad taste de, he asked for ckt, bcm, laksa, fried carrot cake, which I explained to him these food are not ok for him, even on pureed food he kept coughing and very low BP (60/40), went A&E twice then doc said he cant take pureed food anymore, needs to be on tube feeding, I told my dad and he said he doesn't want that as he saw my mum suffering with tube feeding, he said he rather die than cannot eat like normal. We respect his decision and as expected he kept choking and coughing, the food went to the wrong path and got lung infection, went A&E 3 times, each time hospitalized and on antibiotic until the 4th time CMI and passed on in SKGH, just 3 months after my mum left.

 

[iceblendedchoc]

Honestly at this stage the quality of life not there liao... i feel no point try to prolong

singapore should allow euthanasia

If my quality of life is not there, i rather no live on in this world. It is just a torture to me and everyone around

 

[cyke69sg]

singapore should allow euthanasia

If my quality of life is not there, i rather no live on in this world. It is just a torture to me and everyone around

SG will never allow it.
It goes against the conservative religious society SG is.

Even in Canada Alberta has passed a bill to restrict it to only those who have 12 months left to live and need to have family approval also.

 

[arsenalfc85]

TS I was in similar situation like you previously. My dad was wheelchair bound and almost bedridden, he doesn't have dementia though but he has problem eating, speech therapist checked and said he need to be on pureed food. My dad's hobby is watching TV until there was a time he asked me to adjust the TV as it's not clear to him, digital TV is either 0% or 100% viewable, no such thing as not clear, so confirm his vision got problem, ended up he asked me to turn off the TV, so his quality of life seriously degraded and his favorite is to eat but then pureed food is very bad taste de, he asked for ckt, bcm, laksa, fried carrot cake, which I explained to him these food are not ok for him, even on pureed food he kept coughing and very low BP (60/40), went A&E twice then doc said he cant take pureed food anymore, needs to be on tube feeding, I told my dad and he said he doesn't want that as he saw my mum suffering with tube feeding, he said he rather die than cannot eat like normal. We respect his decision and as expected he kept choking and coughing, the food went to the wrong path and got lung infection, went A&E 3 times, each time hospitalized and on antibiotic until the 4th time CMI and passed on in SKGH, just 3 months after my mum left.

so did u regret your decision.

But at least ur dad made it clear right from the start

for me, the only "regret" i have now, is that i don't know how to make him happy. Since i took away 2 "hobbies" aka smoking n eating food at coffeeshop which he like. But i also know i bo bian.

 

[arsenalfc85]

Hope things work out well for you bro.
Take care.
You are good enough

not sure if i can get the job also.

Another thing about caregiver is, i find that i burn out v easily.

Thats why when i find job, i need to find less stressful type. Cuz if its the stressful fast paced type, i will confirm burn out quickly n then have to quit n restart over the job search again. ive been in n out of jobs from 36yo to now 41yo.

So i need to really select carefully, but i don't really have the luxury to select slowly as well, cuz i know the longer i drag in between jobs, the harder i will be able to find in future. So i need to select slowly but at the same time i cannot be too slow.

Not sure if i wanna be phv driver, or do food delivery for the time being. or maybe become security officer.

 

[MajiMax]

A caregiver can easily loses his/her identity in the caregiver journey, especially he or she is full-time supporting their loved ones.

 

[XCalintz]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Elderly get stubborn at their age

My mum also lazy to do the exercises from the rehabilitation at home. When I try to advice a better solution, she will get angry.

For your dad, maybe try porridge and soup kinda food for the time being? Prolonged care is tough, it affects everyone mentally and physically. Jia you.

 

[XCalintz]

later still got job interview. Hopefully I can go back to work next month, not sure if I’m making the right decision to go back to work.

TS money is important. Got $$ then can explore different solutions for elderly care.

Hope you find the best solution for both your dad & urself. You need to stay strong mentally.

 

[Dudick]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Char Siew means you had taken your dad money and run road liao. So you are not

 

[FD Trinitron]

so did u regret your decision.

But at least ur dad made it clear right from the start

for me, the only "regret" i have now, is that i don't know how to make him happy. Since i took away 2 "hobbies" aka smoking n eating food at coffeeshop which he like. But i also know i bo bian.

No I didn't regret my decision, I followed his decision, he has diabetes but I still gave him eat what he wanted since his diabetes is not the major issue.
You are not wrong and definitely you are not charsiew, your situation is bobian, mybfd.

 

[Spike]

you are not char siew.
you are doing it for his goods (based on your thinking)
whats good to you may not be good to him (based on his thinking)
unless you are a medically trained professional, it is best to follow the doctor's instructions.
if you dont follow and something happens, do you have the heart to carry on living or will you feel remorseful forever?

Pika! What happened to Pokémon!

 

[Spike]

亦余心之所善兮 虽九死其犹未悔..​

 

[AngMohKia]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz
he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.
should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?
so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

you are anything but a char siew. you care and want the best for your father. I salute you brother for what it's worth.




Read HWZ Forum Rules!

 

[PiKa]

Pika! What happened to Pokémon!

What what happened?

 

[Spike]

What what happened?

Your avatar pic is getting bad to worse!

 

[lightningflash]

Not easy for you and your family. Can only hope your dad can control his craving and follow the advice

 

[matchy]

If you think his days are numbered , let him enjoy lor. U didn't use his money to spend on yours want not char siew liao.

 

[arsenalfc85]

Not easy for you and your family. Can only hope your dad can control his craving and follow the advice

He cannot control.

Everyday he says he wanna eat rice etc. Worse is he has dementia, so he doesn't understand, even if he understands, he will forget quickly. At least if the elderly doesn't have dementia, still can explain to him/her.

Everytime can only use distraction methods or try to coax him in other ways, take at least 20-30min each time.

Somemore i am down with flu, sorethroat and fever these few days. Trying my best not to go too close to my dad for fear of spreading my flu bug to him. But my helper doesn't know how to talk to him cuz of language barrier. So i have to go to him n talk to him, n now he's sneezing too. >.<

Also wondering how am i going to go to work if let's say my interview passes... My helper can handle him on her own? seems like will be a tall task..... Looks like v difficult for me to go back to work....

Now i don't even dare to eat at home cuz im scared he will see me eating n get reminded, n he will wanna eat.

By the way, anyone knows of any way i can earn money via online or wfh?