Am I actually a char siew

[arsenalfc85]

actually should force him to get up and walk around the park, etc etc..
and keep on asking simple question like your name, my name, which floor you live, simple one.

Yes. Actually that is good

but also depending on his mood. In the past was easier cuz he was more willing to go out cuz can smoke/ go to coffeeshop, plus he was younger then. Now much more challenging

 

[arsenalfc85]

on a side note, is the LPA done already for TS?

For me or for my dad

anyway not done for both me and my dad

 

[carpark]

In baccarat winning by char sewing the feeling is very good too

 

[xllms]

Let your dad decide. It’s sad when freedom and choice is taken away from them when they are old. There should be no regrets in life

it's tough to balance old parents' freedom, choices and caregivers' convenience and daily other commitments.

ever heard from a sharp old folk's rebuttal, "taking care of you kids wasn't less easy for me then, but still had to find ways to manage it and continue with life"

feel for TS, but there are no simple ways, do what you feel is appropriate

Char Siew or no, doesn't matter.

 

[arsenalfc85]

you have to be patient... i wonder what is your bond with your dad... do you both love each other very much? If so, gotch chance.

I cared for my mom when she was very sick too.. and because of her sickness, she gets angry (simply because being sick makes you feel terrible) ... and she would refuse this and that .. and i never force her unless its life and death (if you force your dad, it will jeopardize your relationship with him - don't do it)... And every time when it comes to the thing she refused, I will always try to encourage her to do it.. is for your own good etc... best of my ability .. and keep doing it and eventually she just did it once ... and get loads of encouragement from you and the nurses and everybody else... your dad will enjoy the praises... but still will refuse the next time you ask... He won't do the exercises unless he thinks it will help him or he actually can accept his current status quo...

Jia you! You are not a char siew

Unless your posting is a fake story, then ya. GTH

Thanks but encouragement might not be enough. It’s hard to make him see how not smoking n doing exercises will help him cuz he has dementia. Can try but won’t be easy.
but thanks for the advice

 

[arsenalfc85]

Dementia is a tough medical problem.

You can mean well. Let the patient "live happy" "do what they want" but then they can also end up getting hurt. Fall. Fracture. Eat then get aspiration pneumonia. Have to go hospital for management.
Then the old dementia patient can get angry say why never take good care of them. Why let them walk then fall and get fracture. Why let them eat then choke?

They say let them do A then Kena B. Then they say why let them do A to Kena B? Then they ownself say B is worse than A.

Then later get better forget about B then again ask why cannot do A?then you say wait Kena B? Then they say what is B? Won't Kena B.

Is like young children with no memory.

Yes. U just described all the challenges

 

[mgx-alander]

If he uplorry cos u give him food then u are the real char siew

 

[cyke69sg]

Yes. U just described all the challenges

You are doing the best for him at this time.

 

[arsenalfc85]

If he uplorry cos u give him food then u are the real char siew

That is what I am thinking too

but look at the responses in this thread. Some edmwers actually feel giving my dad what he wants is the right thing

I guess that’s why it’s so hard to make a decision

 

[Lchlch]

Yes. Actually that is good

but also depending on his mood. In the past was easier cuz he was more willing to go out cuz can smoke/ go to coffeeshop, plus he was younger then. Now much more challenging

one day, probably many of us will be like that too.....

 

[Travis_Touchdown]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

stuffs that ish good for him might notch be pleasant... since he gotch dementia he cannotch make decisions for himself riaoz... sho chiu hab to help him wib it...

 

[GarnetDragon]

In a tear jerking thread

 

[arsenalfc85]

Also it is not easy to persuade the elderly to do exercises etc

cuz sometimes in their mind, eg in my dad’s mind, I am the son (yes, he still rmb I’m the son), so they still have the mindset why should we listen to the children, should be the children listen to us what.

sometimes I know my helper also has difficulty , cuz in my dad’s eyes, she is just the helper, why should he listen to her

which is why sometimes I feel medical professionals come n talk to him or elderly is better . They may tend to want to listen to professionals more. But also depends, cuz my dad gan the therapists before also

 

[arsenalfc85]

one day, probably many of us will be like that too.....

Many of us will face the same situation as me first

then in future when we’re old, we will be like that. Except the bbfas will have no one for them. At least my dad still has me for now

in future I really will have no one…

 

[arsenalfc85]

This thread also serves as a reminder to all to do Acp and lpa early when we’re in 30s and 40s. So ur family especially those who are married with kids, your kids won’t have to make the difficult decisions in future.

 

[Lchlch]

Many of us will face the same situation as me first

then in future when we’re old, we will be like that. Except the bbfas will have no one for them. At least my dad still has me for now

in future I really will have no one…

yes bro, many will probably be like that.
No one to take care of us anymore except will be send to hospic or nursing home to rot.

 

[cyke69sg]

Many of us will face the same situation as me first

then in future when we’re old, we will be like that. Except the bbfas will have no one for them. At least my dad still has me for now

in future I really will have no one…

You will have healthcare workers taking care of you. Might be robots.

Actually I think in future have robots and AI is best. No emotions. Just operating instructions. Gan the robot also no emotional impact.

 

[Medicated Oil]

The difficult part is if I let him eat, he may get lung infection and that is very uncomfortable for him as well. Or he may not eat as much n suffer from malnutrition and keep losing weight until gone

so it’s a difficult decision to make between balancing what’s good for him n what makes him happy.

the difficult part is, he has no hobbies. His only hobbies are smoking and eating at coffeeshop. Now that these 2 hobbies are taken from him, he has no motivation to do anything as well.

but if I let him smoke n eat at coffeeshop, I’m going against the doctor and can be considered as negligence too.

Your role is to try your best to keep him alive.
Cannot care whether he is happy or not.
Your old man is the prisoner of aging and health.

 

[arsenalfc85]

Your role is to try your best to keep him alive.
Cannot care whether he is happy or not.
Your old man is the prisoner of aging and health.

Actually when we grow old, we will all be prisoner of aging and health

now we the Gen X, Gen Y and Gen Z are prisoners of money

 

[grevq80o]

Thanks but encouragement might not be enough. It’s hard to make him see how not smoking n doing exercises will help him cuz he has dementia. Can try but won’t be easy.
but thanks for the advice

ya.. if he can't stop harming himself like smoking, will uplorry v soon. Happened to my uncle... he already half step into coffin, freshly discharged from hospital and my cousin really watch his father's lifestyle ... and yet ,my uncle still sneak out to drink alcohol ... within 1 to 2 months after he discharged, uplorry liao.. My cousin said he done his best. Nothing he can do...