Am I actually a char siew

[Kiwi8]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Not a char siew.

 

[coyote]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

Don't be too harsh on yourself. Do whatever you deemed fit.

 

[kan-kon]

stay strong ts, my past experience with my late parents, during their hospitalization,

it's the most excruciating memory i ever have..

i was not able to give better relief for them, as the medical professional oredi handling them..

at that moment, i had nothing but faith and prayers for them..

at the hospital they begged us to sent them home, but they knew and we knew it's close to impossible cos of their condition..

so yeah, ts i was thinking i am charsiew oso at that moment

 

[Charles_Chi4]

Old people is back to kids, normally they want easy way out and dun want to give effort at all but what can we do as their kids

 

[106gunner]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

If you can’t endure his unreasonable demand, you might want to send him to the nursing home and let the professional to take care of him

 

[JohannSu1864]

U did better than many in ur position. I am then char siew.

 

[AngelRomeo]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

if i were you i will just let him do what he want. he want to eat, i give him eat. he doesnt want to do exercise, then so be it lor, no point forcing him.

if you dont give him what he want, you not scared later he passed on, he come and haunt you?

 

[grevq80o]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

you have to be patient... i wonder what is your bond with your dad... do you both love each other very much? If so, gotch chance.

I cared for my mom when she was very sick too.. and because of her sickness, she gets angry (simply because being sick makes you feel terrible) ... and she would refuse this and that .. and i never force her unless its life and death (if you force your dad, it will jeopardize your relationship with him - don't do it)... And every time when it comes to the thing she refused, I will always try to encourage her to do it.. is for your own good etc... best of my ability .. and keep doing it and eventually she just did it once ... and get loads of encouragement from you and the nurses and everybody else... your dad will enjoy the praises... but still will refuse the next time you ask... He won't do the exercises unless he thinks it will help him or he actually can accept his current status quo...

Jia you! You are not a char siew

Unless your posting is a fake story, then ya. GTH

 

[PiKa]

but if the time is near..
maybe it is better for him to be happy..
pain pain live longer.. happy live shorter and go..
maybe your dad prefer leaving happily..

it is easy to say, hard to do.

 

[cyke69sg]

on a side note, is the LPA done already for TS?

From what I remember got no LPA

 

[arsenalfc85]

later still got job interview. Hopefully I can go back to work next month, not sure if I’m making the right decision to go back to work.

 

[cyke69sg]

but if the time is near..
maybe it is better for him to be happy..
pain pain live longer.. happy live shorter and go..
maybe your dad prefer leaving happily..

it is easy to say, hard to do.

Dementia is a tough medical problem.

You can mean well. Let the patient "live happy" "do what they want" but then they can also end up getting hurt. Fall. Fracture. Eat then get aspiration pneumonia. Have to go hospital for management.
Then the old dementia patient can get angry say why never take good care of them. Why let them walk then fall and get fracture. Why let them eat then choke?

They say let them do A then Kena B. Then they say why let them do A to Kena B? Then they ownself say B is worse than A.

Then later get better forget about B then again ask why cannot do A?then you say wait Kena B? Then they say what is B? Won't Kena B.

Is like young children with no memory.

 

[cyke69sg]

later still got job interview. Hopefully I can go back to work next month, not sure if I’m making the right decision to go back to work.

Tough bro.
Take care.
Hope things work out well for you.

 

[Sen Sen]

Take care..
Life is fragile..

 

[jumpthepig]

My dad wants to eat, but speech therapist says not safe, he needs to do more exercises for his swallowing, safe liao then can eat. But he doesn’t want to do the exercises. So can only tube feed now. Last night he pulled out the tube. Later if I get the nurses to re insert the tube, will be super painful again Haiz

he also doesn’t want to do rehab exercises for his arms n legs. Everytime the therapists come to the house to do exercises with him, he gets angry n lose temper.

should I have instead let him eat orally despite the risks, n stop the rehab exercises n let his muscles become weak?

so am I a char siew for forcing him to do stuff he doesn’t like even though it’s safer n benefits him?

HK no.1 char siew 李泳汉….啃老

 

[arsenalfc85]

If you are one, you should abandon him long time ago.
Just do what it is necessary to keep him alive.
You should know what happened next if your old man is not well taken care of.

The difficult part is if I let him eat, he may get lung infection and that is very uncomfortable for him as well. Or he may not eat as much n suffer from malnutrition and keep losing weight until gone

so it’s a difficult decision to make between balancing what’s good for him n what makes him happy.

the difficult part is, he has no hobbies. His only hobbies are smoking and eating at coffeeshop. Now that these 2 hobbies are taken from him, he has no motivation to do anything as well.

but if I let him smoke n eat at coffeeshop, I’m going against the doctor and can be considered as negligence too.

 

[arsenalfc85]

Bro. I think so far you have been making the decision to follow the medical professional recommendations.

Deep down you know it's the logical sensible decision to go with.

But emotionally you see your father suffer. And that makes you conflicted. Plus you bear the brunt of his unhappiness and anger.

Very tough on you.

I have written to you before to try to get some respite care so you have some time for yourself. You may also want to have some counseling. Chatting with AI on how you think and feel is a good start just to get a reasonable perspective on what you are going through.

I would suggest that in your current frame of mind that you stick to the logical sensible choices. Have conviction in what you have been doing so far.

Unless your father's condition deteriorates more significantly where he has additional medical problems that contribute further suffering eg infected bed sores, sepsis, recurrent urinary tract infections, fractures/trauma, end stage dementia with anorexia etc then you can review to see if there should be less emphasis on measures to prolong his life rather than to give him best comfort and quality of life in his remaining time.

I guess it’s the same as parents who send their kids to nursery or kindergarten for the first time

kid refuses to go and cries n throws tantrum. Parents also feel bad , but no choice have to do the right thing

only thing is kids have long way to go, whereas elderly parents not long way liao, so we sometimes wonder if it’s ok to just let them be happy.

 

[cyke69sg]

The difficult part is if I let him eat, he may get lung infection and that is very uncomfortable for him as well. Or he may not eat as much n suffer from malnutrition and keep losing weight until gone

so it’s a difficult decision to make between balancing what’s good for him n what makes him happy.

the difficult part is, he has no hobbies. His only hobbies are smoking and eating at coffeeshop. Now that these 2 hobbies are taken from him, he has no motivation to do anything as well.

but if I let him smoke n eat at coffeeshop, I’m going against the doctor and can be considered as negligence too.

Bro my opinion is that you are choosing the best thing you can given all the facts and the circumstances.

Hope you start to feel the inner peace of that decision too. It's the best you can do for your dad at this time

Unless something changes eg new problem severe deterioration in his dementia. Then review your decision.

 

[nit3ex]

U r a caring son, not char siew. U are one if u don't lose weight.

 

[cyke69sg]

I guess it’s the same as parents who send their kids to nursery or kindergarten for the first time

kid refuses to go and cries n throws tantrum. Parents also feel bad , but no choice have to do the right thing

only thing is kids have long way to go, whereas elderly parents not long way liao, so we sometimes wonder if it’s ok to just let them be happy.

Kids can learn. Elderly dementia cannot learn.

Is not that "short" a way either. Can be years.

That's why from what you have shared so far it doesn't sound like your dad has life expectancy in months. Is more in years.

So it is still relatively long way to go too. You don't want to feel to be contributing to shortening that runway for him either.