My first date experience, how should I continue on?

[Notbbfa]

Den go where is serious in r/s?

atas enough places with romantic ambience

 

[Jaylim123]

I think gg liao

ask to split bills then the girl ran off.

ts forget it liao la

So 现实 right? Now what era already still dont want to go dutch

 

[Sen Sen]

So she still hang out with you? Or no more?

 

[Jaylim123]

TS lagi best, asked to split. He should just stick to cai png and masturbation.

You pay now, you will be paying forever in the future also, house and everything. This one not relationship but slavery liao

 

[Jaylim123]

So she still hang out with you? Or no more?

I scared to message her leh after the date, you got advice?

 

[Big Chicken]

You pay now, you will be paying forever in the future also, house and everything. This one not relationship but slavery liao

Ok, keep telling yourself that then. Vietbu also will scared of you.

 

[glarerder]

You pay now, you will be paying forever in the future also, house and everything. This one not relationship but slavery liao

Yes get it right the first date. Guy should get girl whose willing to pull her weight financially.

 

[kensk76]

I scared to message her leh after the date, you got advice?

why scare, worst case is reject only..then move on

 

[Jaylim123]

why scare, worst case is reject only..then move on

The truth still hurts nevertheless

 

[kensk76]

The truth still hurts nevertheless

hurt a few times and you'll become more numb resilient.

 

[Mr Totoro 38]

My first date with my future wife, i offered to go upscale restaurant at MBS. Nowadays would have costed $100/pax. I was a simp and i wanted to impress her. She declined and we sat at the music fountain outside MBS to talk instead. Total cost of the date, $4, for bus and MRT fare roundtrip.

That's the thing. If a woman is really into you, she will not want you to spend money, because she wants you to save for your future together. The date is for you to talk and get to know each other better. The food is secondary. It's not the focus of the date. If a woman gauges you by how much you willing to spend on her, then you know that this woman is mercenary. She will go with the highest bidder.

100% agree!

When i met my wife, she knew I am only a normal salary worker.
She doesn't mind at all, even having meals at the hawker centre and she does not mind at all I DO NOT have a car. Not even having a driving license!

She works as an expat in sg and her family back home has a few cars and lives in a big landed property. She doesn't even mind she drives and brings me around when I visit her back in her home country.

 

[hellomoi]

she no text ts, just move on riao. when comes to dating, dont be so gey gao. 有来有去mentality.

 

[Notbbfa]

Nah. First dates is mostly about signaling your principles and beliefs, to check for compatibility. You are already gracing this person with your presence. That's enough intent signal. If I don't like this lady, she won't get to have lunch with me even if she offers to pay. Same for when a lady graces me with her presence. That's enough intent signal for me.

If there is real interest from her side, there would be no need to debase yourself as her lesser who needs to pander to her to gain her favor. Unless of course there is actually a need. In which case that's a skill issue. Note that treating her to a meal because you want to, is different from treating her to a meal because you think you won't get a second date if you don't treat her. The former is part of your principles and beliefs, and that's fine. A lot of men in SG actually still have rather traditional mindset with regards to what a man should do for a lady during a date. The latter is just a desperate simp.

Compatibility and intent aren’t mutually exclusive.

First dates test principles but romantic intent is communicated through behaviour, not just presence. In real dating norms, investment (planning, paying, follow-up) is a signal whether you personally agree with it or not.

You may believe your presence alone is “enough intent,” but the other person still interprets actions through social cues. When those cues signal neutrality, many women reasonably downgrade the interaction to non-romantic.

Presence alone is ambiguous, behaviour clarifies. Paying on a first date isn’t submission or simping - it’s a conventional romantic signal. Splitting often signals neutrality, so people respond accordingly.

And “presence is enough” only works if both parties interpret it the same way. Outcome matters more than ideology.

If someone chooses to operate purely on personal principles, that’s fine - but they also have to accept the dating outcomes that come with ignoring social norms. This isn’t about debasing oneself. It’s about understanding how signals are actually received. Dating outcomes aren’t decided by personal principles, they’re decided by one's actions are interpreted.

 

[Sen Sen]

I scared to message her leh after the date, you got advice?

Change girl bah.

 

[Hello_Kitty]

is there any progress update from TS???

 

[glarerder]

Compatibility and intent aren’t mutually exclusive.

First dates test principles but romantic intent is communicated through behaviour, not just presence. In real dating norms, investment (planning, paying, follow-up) is a signal whether you personally agree with it or not.

You may believe your presence alone is “enough intent,” but the other person still interprets actions through social cues. When those cues signal neutrality, many women reasonably downgrade the interaction to non-romantic.

Presence alone is ambiguous, behaviour clarifies. Paying on a first date isn’t submission or simping - it’s a conventional romantic signal. Splitting often signals neutrality, so people respond accordingly.

And “presence is enough” only works if both parties interpret it the same way. Outcome matters more than ideology.

If someone chooses to operate purely on personal principles, that’s fine - but they also have to accept the dating outcomes that come with ignoring social norms. This isn’t about debasing oneself. It’s about understanding how signals are actually received. Dating outcomes aren’t decided by personal principles, they’re decided by one's actions are interpreted.

If woman purely based on whether he pays for her to classify the date to be neutral or not, she's shallow and dichotomic. That's assuming that everything else went well on that day and her decision to not date further was simply because he didn't pay for her.

 

[TiedInsurer]

Compatibility and intent aren’t mutually exclusive.

First dates test principles but romantic intent is communicated through behaviour, not just presence. In real dating norms, investment (planning, paying, follow-up) is a signal whether you personally agree with it or not.

You may believe your presence alone is “enough intent,” but the other person still interprets actions through social cues. When those cues signal neutrality, many women reasonably downgrade the interaction to non-romantic.

Presence alone is ambiguous, behaviour clarifies. Paying on a first date isn’t submission or simping - it’s a conventional romantic signal. Splitting often signals neutrality, so people respond accordingly.

And “presence is enough” only works if both parties interpret it the same way. Outcome matters more than ideology.

If someone chooses to operate purely on personal principles, that’s fine - but they also have to accept the dating outcomes that come with ignoring social norms. This isn’t about debasing oneself. It’s about understanding how signals are actually received. Dating outcomes aren’t decided by personal principles, they’re decided by one's actions are interpreted.

Hard disagree on almost everything.

Intent can be clearly communicated by just opening the mouth and talking. If the girl failed to grasp the guy's intent, the girl is either inentionally refusing do so, or the guy has a problem with communication.

Also disagree that outcome matters more than ideology. Everyone has to make a choice on what is more important to them. Their goal of finding a life partner, even if that partner has incompatible ideology that will cause them endless grief in future. Or sticking to their guns, and live with the possibility of forever staying single as a result. Either way, everyone has to live with what they chose. No take backs.

Lastly, i believe that if someone feels that a social norm is outdated and no longer relevant in today's society, they should stand up against it. Doing otherwise is debasing themselves, because they are going against their own values to conform. It's like how women have gradually fought for and made gains in getting men to take up more domestic responsibilities. Even now, just as social norms unfairly place the bulk of financial burden on men, social norms also continue to unfairly place the bulk of domestic responsibility on the shoulders of women, and they are rightfully fighting against it, going as far as to file for divorce against men who are perceived as not being progressive enough on that front. They do what is right for them, even if that's not the norm, and even if the end result is a broken marriage and high likelihood of being alone for the rest of their lives. I applaud their resolve. It's how a society advances. When enough people signals that a social norm is outdated and irrelevant, and therefore they refuse to participate, the social norm will change.

 

[Mephist0pheLes]

You pay now, you will be paying forever in the future also, house and everything. This one not relationship but slavery liao

looks like u r still clueless after 17 pages. u r supposed to observe if she volunteer to split or to pay the next meal, not ask her at the table to pay you back her share, that's a really embarrassing and facepalm move. I don't even do that to my colleagues.

if u r so calculative about money and realise she has no intention to pay, then she is not the girl for you and dont waste each other time. only then u ask her to pay back and then move on.

 

[Lao_Tiko]

Hard disagree on almost everything.

Intent can be clearly communicated by just opening the mouth and talking. If the girl failed to grasp the guy's intent, the girl is either inentionally refusing do so, or the guy has a problem with communication.

Also disagree that outcome matters more than ideology. Everyone has to make a choice on what is more important to them. Their goal of finding a life partner, even if that partner has incompatible ideology that will cause them endless grief in future. Or sticking to their guns, and live with the possibility of forever staying single as a result. Either way, everyone has to live with what they chose. No take backs.

Lastly, i believe that if someone feels that a social norm is outdated and no longer relevant in today's society, they should stand up against it. Doing otherwise is debasing themselves, because they are going against their own values to conform. It's like how women have gradually fought for and made gains in getting men to take up more domestic responsibilities. Even now, just as social norms unfairly place the bulk of financial burden on men, social norms also continue to unfairly place the bulk of domestic responsibility on the shoulders of women, and they are rightfully fighting against it, going as far as to file for divorce against men who are perceived as not being progressive enough on that front. They do what is right for them, even if that's not the norm, and even if the end result is a broken marriage and high likelihood of being alone for the rest of their lives. I applaud their resolve. It's how a society advances. When enough people signals that a social norm is outdated and irrelevant, and therefore they refuse to participate, the social norm will change.

Filae Melioris Aevi

 

[glarerder]

looks like u r still clueless after 17 pages. u r supposed to observe if she volunteer to split or to pay the next meal, not ask her at the table to pay you back her share, that's a really embarrassing and facepalm move.

if u r so calculative about money and realise she has no intention to pay, then she is not the girl for you and dont waste each other time. only then u ask her to pay back and then move on.

If you use money to attract girl, all you get is a girl who loves you for the money. Be it the money is paying for her meals or pampering her with gifts. When she's not even your gf yet. That's how women get her orbitors and simps constantly showering her with treats without any commitment from her.