The Affair
My job requires me to be working night job and usually get home when near morning since I’m working the construction for live hotel and works stop before breakfast service starts. There is a colleague who will spend time working late with me and the feeling takes off from there. I ended up not going home until morning or for 1 to 2 days sometimes which bothers no one at all at home. I only miss my child and spend some time at home with him and will leave home again. Since even I get home early, there will be no food left for me most of the time, I start to don’t even eat at home and eating outside most of the time with the colleague and eventually we start sleeping together a lot. It is at this point I start to feel happier being outside than being at home. I do love my child a lot and know it is wrong though but yet it is the only thing that makes me happy.
At this time, I already have no say in the house and no say in the upbringing of my child. T is enrolling all kind of enrichment classes even I do not agree I have no say in it since I am not making enough it is all provided by her. The household expenses with T enrichment class is about $6,000.00 per month and my salary is $4,800. I am paying the compress loan and the housing loan thru my HDB alone. My CPF was wipe out as her proposal during the purchase of the HDB.
The Ultimatum
Towards to end of 2015, I wanted this outside relationship to stop and that my project is finished and will be leaving the job thus use this opportunity to end it. I proposed a holiday trip but it turns out to be a trip for the entire family with her parents and aunt and decided on Hong Kong which I did not wanted but its because her cousin is there so everyone agree on Hong Kong and I am then made to pay for the trip. O had put up the proposal to and told me it would be better as there will be people to look after T while we able to enjoy the holiday. It was before I commence work for my new job.
During the trip, all the schedule was according to what they wanted and her mother never left us alone. During noon nap for T, we were all made to go back to hotel. During night, we are not allowed to go out and to look after T. Coming back to Singapore, I had totally regretted the trip. It made me even more unhappy about the whole arrangement and the marriage. At the same time, I am ending the outside relationship and wanted everything to start anew with O and I had started my new job in a new company as well. I was hoping a together time with just the 2 of us and talk things out have make the family normal. I proposed to have another short trip to Thailand 3 days 2 nights with just the 2 of us with her mum help to look after T for a few days. She tried asking her mom she got angry about the request and threw a temper saying we are selfish wanting to go play and enjoy while leaving the child behind for her to look after. We are only allowed to go if we are going to bring her along. This is at the end of Jan 2015.
In 2016 during Chinese New Year, we spent our days in her parent’s house as all priority are given to her family side and only after then house visitation to my parents are allowed as usual. I had request for the mahjong activities to stop and to live a normal live but was demanded to make more money and don’t expect them to work to make ends meet. They are helping me with the household expenses as I am not making enough. They had made a proposal to me that I am in a position to be able to collect kickbacks from contractors which I had rejected and does not want to jeopardise my job as I had met a good boss and a good job. I endured all the unhappiness to have a happy new year with T which I know if probably the last time.
Right after CNY is Feb of 2016, I went home 1 day and asked O if the mahjong can stop and also can we discuss about the upbringing T to reduce the expenses and live a normal live. She said no and I I will divorce her and will leave the house by end of the week and will start sleeping in the living room. She did not agree and asked me to move out immediately. Her parents were there as well and did not say anything to ease the situation but asked me to pack what I need to move out and move all the things I want out asap since I had decided to divorce. I move back to my mum house the very night while getting my colleague to help with the moving of stuff over the next few days.
The Divorce Process
She had called me to go back and talk things out after I had move out but I decided not to and this is the first time I had do things against her wish. She had also threatened that I will never see my son if this is what I decided. She had then found out about the affair previously even though I had already ended the relationship. With this information in hand, she no longer asked to talk things out but talk about her demands and if I don’t agree, I will never get to see my son. Her initial demand is a monthly maintenance of $4,000.00, and I continue to pay for the house using my CPF but withdrawn my name and rights to the house as well as continue to pay for the renovation loan and to give up custody for my son.
It is impossible for me to agree as my salary at the time is only $4,000 a month. During these periods she continue to harass me with all kind of demeaning message that im not fit to be human. To a point I had suffered depression and had to seek treatment and was trying to kill myself on occasion. My family had encouraged me to cut ties and give up my child and I can have another one in future. I just couldn’t bear to do it as its my first born and only child whom I love dearly. I had intended to fight for custody of my child and staying single if I need to. She had sought lawyer and asked me to give up hopes on this as the court will always favour the mother and I don’t have a house and not family able to look after T and also, I can’t use her gambling habit against her as she already blacklisted herself to show the judge she had changed.
In the end I work out my expenses and agree to give an allowance of $700 after repaying the renovation loan of $1,175.00 and to give up the ownership and any rights to claim of the house if she sells. I did not want to give up the house rights to claim as it is almost entirely paid by me but she made me give up by saying I had left the house and only right to leave behind the house for T so his environment does not change and she will put T’s name in the house leaving it for him so even if she sell it will benefit T as well. With this, I let my guard down and agree to it and requested a transfer of $12,000.00 back to my CPF. I had asked for the arrangement to be written down but she had refused and mentioned this is between her and T there is no need to have is recorded which will be bad for T. With all set, my lawyer had looked at the request and told me that its too much and he is able to help me fight for a better condition which I declined hoping to end it as soon as possible and it is all for the better for the child.
I had left the house on 2016, and being less than 3 years of marriage, we waited till exact 3 years to file the Writ for Divorce and received the Final Judgement on 2017. I had never felt so much relieve in my life and never being happier for all this to end and able to start fresh. The arrangement for me to bring T on a weekly basis also allow me to have more time along with him and we were both so happy even till now we are close and able to speak about anything he not able to speak with his family.
