A Failed Marraige

[StoicGuy]

Gambling den in HDB is legal meh?

Just report her family to police if it’s still ongoing and send them to jail. Can use this to fight for custody.

I dun think TS wants custody of his first son.

This is what I understand from his story.

1. He make a lot of effort to spend time with his special need first son before, as a responsible and good father.

2. He just have his second son with his second wife.

3. He feels unfair to pay more to his first son treatment since his ex wife is a high spender.

This is where I can't understand. His ex wife indeed asked him to split the treatment bill of additional $300 monthly. Not he pay all but split bill. I can't see how his wife spending habit got to do with bill splitting since he do has the responsibility to take care of his first son.. no?

 

[CHINAUSA]

in such a sad and toxic predicament,

 

[duameatball]

I dun think TS wants custody of his first son.

This is what I understand from his story.

1. He make a lot of effort to spend time with his special need first son before, as a responsible and good father.

2. He just have his second son with his second wife.

3. He feels unfair to pay more to his first son treatment since his ex wife is a high spender.

This is where I can't understand. His ex wife indeed asked him to split the treatment bill of additional $300 monthly. Not he pay all but split bill. I can't see how his wife spending habit got to do with bill splitting since he do has the responsibility to take care of his first son.. no?

TS said he’s not willing to migrate and cut off all ties from his first marriage purely because of his first son. There’s no way to take control of the additional bills and childcare (unsure if there’s neglect or abuse) so long as there’s little to no custody.

edit: I think u never read the whole thread. The additional bills is the cost to fund his first son’s ADHD treatment but to TS, he seems like a normal child and don’t require all the private hospital treatments for ADHD.

 

[WhenTheTimeComes]

Life is not always smooth sailing. There is a saying if you have a son, they are your previously life creditor and in this life you have to repay your debt.

 

[krstupid]

Thanks everyone for advice and scolding.
will be standing up this time ready for fight after they back from their their Scandinavian holiday. It will sure be costly but its for the better. cant be a pushover forever.

 

[hpv500]

u have to stand up and fight back, got to be a man

 

[hpv500]

i did the hardest part by leaving everyone else behind, family and friends to go overseas

 

[chocobelle]

there were so many red flags in the beginning of the relationship yet you went ahead to marry into this toxic family
now she uses your son and hold you by the balls

 

[Itsnotfunny]

TS is too beta liao. Let her climb over his head so many times. If so soft, can’t do much one. Just sit around and get bullied.

 

[griffin jr]

wow thats a pretty ****** up story. jiayou ts

 

[Xcert]

Current Situation


When business starts to pick up after covid, we start receiving a salary of $1000 per month then $2000 to the current $4000 per month. During all these times, O would bring T to different doctors to certify his condition and bring him to different treatment which cause a lot which she said she can’t afford and asked me to split the bill yet they still went to different holiday every year such as Japan, Korea and now Finland in 2023. They are also renovating their current house and T is also old enough to tell me O bought a new Rolexes as well. I did not question her about anything as it had nothing to do with me as long as I paid my child maintenance and do my part.

Every now and then T will be staying at my house when they are going on cruise for gambling. They will also bring T along to cruise with the maid looking after him. I don’t mind this at all but my wife is not very happy with such arrangement not because of T staying over but because he is being treated like a ball and push over when they want to go gambling. Every now and then O will bring T to see some specialist and consultant to validate his ADHD issue and need all kind of therapy and courses. When he is with me and my family and friends all does not see any issue with him at all and feels its just part of growing up. Main problem is playing a lot, non-attentive sometimes and only will only do things that interest him. I don’t see what is the problem at all. He had to be on medication now to be attentive and calm himself from psychology. When he is with me there is totally no problem and i see him normal completely

When business picks up, we had our son in Aug 2021. The commitment increases again and we work even harder to provide and live better since. O had never stop asking for more money and I had informed her I have another child to feed she just mentioned that is my problem and I have an elder son which is sick and need treatment and need money. Simply demanded more money or she will message nasty things and called to disturb the peace at home which my wife is very unhappy about it and kept asking me when will it stop. It had been 8 years and after we are married for 5 years it still feels like I have to answer to another woman.

My current salary is $4000 per month with director bonuses depending on the profitability of the business. I have a housing debt which my CPF contribution from my salary is not enough to cover and debt from car loan. There are other expenses in my family and for the younger son as well which I have commitment to. Frankly speaking, my salary is not enough but am relying on the bonuses to cover the expenses through savings and my wife do share a huge part of the burden as well. It is unfair for me to provide extra maintenance under such situation and my wife had to take on an even larger portion for our family expenses.

O had written to me requesting for additional child maintenance stating that starting from next year Jan 2024 I will need to pay her additional $300 for T’s private after school care due to his condition. I really hate the way of treating him as a special needs kid. If I do not agree to her request, she will get court order for me to split all bills with her in accordance to court direction. I am sure she had sought consultant for sending me such message as it is beyond her level of command for English. I had not agreed the way she spent during our marriage and I had decided to walk away from the marriage but yet now I am made to pay even more for things I had never agreed on how my child are to be brought up.

I am not looking to reduce the child maintenance in this case but I am not willing to pay the extra amount to be fair to my current wife and child. We are not living frugally and saving all for O to take it away from us like this. It is not fair that her overspending habits which causes me to walk away from the marriage and she is using the same method to try to destroy my current marriage. It is becoming an issue for my family with her constant threat and demands. Will the court be giving her anything she demand and expect me to split the bill half no matter what she expects from T as she had full custody of him and my job is to pay and provide at the expense on my life and wife and other children? I would not say she is treating T no good but it is beyond one’s ability and means which is also the reason I decided on the divorce cause I couldn’t take it anymore.

Any single Dad out there having such issues? Im writing to vent my anger as it is very difficult to keep thinking of it alone. Im just thinking if i dont give the money maybe my son can be treated normally and grow up naturally. I dont dare to live normally like bringing my family to holiday frequent spend to make my family better all because if O found out, she will think i have money and demand more from me and my wife had to suffer with me and not able to go frequent holiday which she enjoyed before our marraige. i really hate myself for changing her life even though she does not complaint and willing to go thru thick and thin with me.

Thanks in advance

Go back to court and vary the orders.
The court is not stopid enough to order something when the person obviously cannot do it.
Court will look at the entire picture and make orders if there is no agreement.
The ex can ask for anything she wants.
Whether she gets it is another thing.

if U need more help PM me.

 

[Xcert]

All private.. she say public cannt treat need private better coz recommended. i cant say anything coz i have no custody and anything i ask for lesser will be labelled as a father that dont care and not concern at all. very crappy treatment and awful words all the time and msg or call to quarrel and scold till i depress and give in again to avoid affecting my current family. i got receipt coz im asked to pay half sometimes when the amount is big.

Big amount U pay half.
if the amount is small then how?

 

[LaiHam]

Wah, may you be blessed with good things soon.
I try to put myself in your shoes and think of my options.

1. Take custody of your child. I think if you can produce proof of gamblings and irregular incomes from ex, while you have steady income and stable household, easier. This way, you cut yr ex off entirely.

2. Migrate lah if you can. Plus with your child ADHD, you have strong point - AU offer better environment for kids neurodevelopmental disorders. I met many parents with such kids, cannot cope in SG but is now happy downunder (Melbourne in this case). You doing him justice also by removing him from that toxic environment. He'll thank you later. Cost also cheaper. I have one child with dyslexia, cheaper therapy in Melb compared to SG. Therapist quality also way way above SG standard.

If the above not possible - wah last option is wait for him to turn 21 and then yr wife no excuse to claim expenses.

 

[noname2016]

TS said he’s not willing to migrate and cut off all ties from his first marriage purely because of his first son. There’s no way to take control of the additional bills and childcare (unsure if there’s neglect or abuse) so long as there’s little to no custody.

edit: I think u never read the whole thread. The additional bills is the cost to fund his first son’s ADHD treatment but to TS, he seems like a normal child and don’t require all the private hospital treatments for ADHD.

I think ts should sent his child for a professional assessment of whether got adhd. It seems like his own wishful insistence that the kid has no adhd.

 

[ST Optimist]

Current Situation


When business starts to pick up after covid, we start receiving a salary of $1000 per month then $2000 to the current $4000 per month. During all these times, O would bring T to different doctors to certify his condition and bring him to different treatment which cause a lot which she said she can’t afford and asked me to split the bill yet they still went to different holiday every year such as Japan, Korea and now Finland in 2023. They are also renovating their current house and T is also old enough to tell me O bought a new Rolexes as well. I did not question her about anything as it had nothing to do with me as long as I paid my child maintenance and do my part.

Every now and then T will be staying at my house when they are going on cruise for gambling. They will also bring T along to cruise with the maid looking after him. I don’t mind this at all but my wife is not very happy with such arrangement not because of T staying over but because he is being treated like a ball and push over when they want to go gambling. Every now and then O will bring T to see some specialist and consultant to validate his ADHD issue and need all kind of therapy and courses. When he is with me and my family and friends all does not see any issue with him at all and feels its just part of growing up. Main problem is playing a lot, non-attentive sometimes and only will only do things that interest him. I don’t see what is the problem at all. He had to be on medication now to be attentive and calm himself from psychology. When he is with me there is totally no problem and i see him normal completely

When business picks up, we had our son in Aug 2021. The commitment increases again and we work even harder to provide and live better since. O had never stop asking for more money and I had informed her I have another child to feed she just mentioned that is my problem and I have an elder son which is sick and need treatment and need money. Simply demanded more money or she will message nasty things and called to disturb the peace at home which my wife is very unhappy about it and kept asking me when will it stop. It had been 8 years and after we are married for 5 years it still feels like I have to answer to another woman.

My current salary is $4000 per month with director bonuses depending on the profitability of the business. I have a housing debt which my CPF contribution from my salary is not enough to cover and debt from car loan. There are other expenses in my family and for the younger son as well which I have commitment to. Frankly speaking, my salary is not enough but am relying on the bonuses to cover the expenses through savings and my wife do share a huge part of the burden as well. It is unfair for me to provide extra maintenance under such situation and my wife had to take on an even larger portion for our family expenses.

O had written to me requesting for additional child maintenance stating that starting from next year Jan 2024 I will need to pay her additional $300 for T’s private after school care due to his condition. I really hate the way of treating him as a special needs kid. If I do not agree to her request, she will get court order for me to split all bills with her in accordance to court direction. I am sure she had sought consultant for sending me such message as it is beyond her level of command for English. I had not agreed the way she spent during our marriage and I had decided to walk away from the marriage but yet now I am made to pay even more for things I had never agreed on how my child are to be brought up.

I am not looking to reduce the child maintenance in this case but I am not willing to pay the extra amount to be fair to my current wife and child. We are not living frugally and saving all for O to take it away from us like this. It is not fair that her overspending habits which causes me to walk away from the marriage and she is using the same method to try to destroy my current marriage. It is becoming an issue for my family with her constant threat and demands. Will the court be giving her anything she demand and expect me to split the bill half no matter what she expects from T as she had full custody of him and my job is to pay and provide at the expense on my life and wife and other children? I would not say she is treating T no good but it is beyond one’s ability and means which is also the reason I decided on the divorce cause I couldn’t take it anymore.

Any single Dad out there having such issues? Im writing to vent my anger as it is very difficult to keep thinking of it alone. Im just thinking if i dont give the money maybe my son can be treated normally and grow up naturally. I dont dare to live normally like bringing my family to holiday frequent spend to make my family better all because if O found out, she will think i have money and demand more from me and my wife had to suffer with me and not able to go frequent holiday which she enjoyed before our marraige. i really hate myself for changing her life even though she does not complaint and willing to go thru thick and thin with me.

Thanks in advance

2 issue here :
1. Money
2. Who cares more....

If U have "enough" money...there shd be no issue

However "money" is forever not enough if the one who spend keep increasing the reason to spend

So end up who cares more......

The person who cares more suffer.....

If U give up your son.....dun care anymore....do U think u might have regret in future........if u dun think u will have regret.....then just give him up start afresh.....

However if U still want to be responsible....just do whatever within your ability.....you have already try your best ....no need to feel remorse as if u never give him everything.....no need.....your world is not him alone only......U still have your present wife, parents, etc............just give within your ability can liao....spend the rest of your energy on others more worthy ppl.....they also need u.....no need feel bad if u never give your 100% to ex wife n son

....

 

[StoicGuy]

TS said he’s not willing to migrate and cut off all ties from his first marriage purely because of his first son. There’s no way to take control of the additional bills and childcare (unsure if there’s neglect or abuse) so long as there’s little to no custody.

edit: I think u never read the whole thread. The additional bills is the cost to fund his first son’s ADHD treatment but to TS, he seems like a normal child and don’t require all the private hospital treatments for ADHD.

Hello, normal or special need is diagnosed by doctor and not him, nor his wife.

I personally feel it's perfectly ok for his wife to request to split bill. The bill has to be legitimate and shown to him.

Look at the facts, not his story.

 

[C_boliao]

TS said he’s not willing to migrate and cut off all ties from his first marriage purely because of his first son. There’s no way to take control of the additional bills and childcare (unsure if there’s neglect or abuse) so long as there’s little to no custody.

edit: I think u never read the whole thread. The additional bills is the cost to fund his first son’s ADHD treatment but to TS, he seems like a normal child and don’t require all the private hospital treatments for ADHD.

You will be suprised at how many parents will just jump at the first point knowing their kids are diagnosed with special needs even it's mild. They will do all sorts of treatment, expecting immediate results. But the truth is, is a lifelong thing and not every kid needs a therapy. Really depends on how serious it is

 

[StoicGuy]

You will be suprised at how many parents will just jump at the first point knowing their kids are diagnosed with special needs even it's mild. They will do all sorts of treatment, expecting immediate results. But the truth is, is a lifelong thing and not every kid needs a therapy. Really depends on how serious it is

Yes. It's lifelong suffering.. but we are not in control to change it.

 

[kyokoto]

Thanks everyone for advice and scolding.
will be standing up this time ready for fight after they back from their their Scandinavian holiday. It will sure be costly but its for the better. cant be a pushover forever.

Not scolding you lah! Just feel sorry for you, you need to take back your life! We only live once, so live it well from today onwards! Take back whats yours and dont back down!

 

[gnoes85]

i did the hardest part by leaving everyone else behind, family and friends to go oversea

Unless u say u leave your kid behind, otherwise nothing hard