Failed marriages :- why?

[Ec7171]

A promise is just that. But humans are imperfect and tend to fall short of expectations. But with the marriage cert being used to compel certain actions is why it would feel transactional. In a perfect world, a very reasonable and understanding partner won't use the law to compel the other party. But humans are selfish and imperfect. So marriages will fail and it will be ugly when that happens.

There is such a quote out there.
Love is not finding the perfect person but seeing a imperfect person perfectly.

Love is a positive feeling. If u keep seeing negative side of it, then I do feel u have a different concept of love.

 

[Justanewbie]

I think if no kids, the love will die out after many years then divorce. Kids give the couple a common goal and bond them together.

other reasons can be cheating, in laws or never understand each other enough before getting married loh.

 

[Loratadine10mg]

@Lolile So now u have cut the cake, and started eating.

It's definitely delicious. And u all are happy

But it's a big cake. And then he started to bring in 10 burgers. Because celebrations cannot just be cake. You will need some burgers

So both of you eat the first burger, you both happy.

Well continue with burger 2, u really felt fulfilled. And so on.

The more you started to indulge in the next burger (indulge longer in the relationship, the less satisfied you became)..

Apart from burgers, u still have cakes left.

Only two of you, you started to feel sick

@Lolile

Then all the nonsense will start..

Blaming u for letting them get sick.

No money to buy refrigerator to keep the food. Now the cake is spoilt and rotten and had to throw away.

You decided you want to eat duck rice.

And you saw the other table duck rice is nice to eat.

The other person was tempted to eat fried chicken rice instead.

The gap and interest just become apart and u no longer see eye to eye.

A lot of wants and but no resources to fulfill and suddenly blaming game started..both of u started to feel miserable and kept thinking that it was an error to eat that chocolate cake

That's how divorce came abt..

 

[XuishX]

Nice, good heart.

善男信女 is not fake

 

[Little turtles]

Need to fully understand the important concept of give and take.

 

[kitsura]

There is such a quote out there.
Love is not finding the perfect person but seeing a imperfect person perfectly.

Love is a positive feeling. If u keep seeing negative side of it, then I do feel u have a different concept of love.

I think most modern people are not looking for love. Don't believe me? What do most women ask and look for? Guys salary, his height, does he have cat, what are his goals, etc, etc. If you want to look for love you would do blind dating, period. So stop asking all these qualifying questions. We are not going for job interview.

 

[mskate88]

Here are the divorce reasons from extended families & acquaintances:
- cheating & runaway with other girl
- drug addiction
- hidden rainbow, so after got a baby, he initiated divorce
- in laws issue
- domestic abuse
- age gap too far (the husband is almost the age of my friend's dad, so communication was challenging)
- money issue

My own marriage is still intact (17 years and counting). Sometimes we quarrel but we know how to resolve it & go back to normal. He's not the most handsome and also not rich, but everything feels effortless with him. No need to pretend. Core values also aligned.

My 2 cents would be marry someone you can be good friends with. Sadly it's true that the lust fizzles over time, and what's left is partnership & companionship in facing life challenges.

 

[Ec7171]

I think most modern people are not looking for love. Don't believe me? What do most women ask and look for? Guys salary, his height, does he have cat, what are his goals, etc, etc. If you want to look for love you would do blind dating, period. So stop asking all these qualifying questions. We are not going for job interview.

You got it right.
Most ppl don't understand love in order to seek love.

They find companionship rather than building a relationship.

 

[Ec7171]

I can’t equate diminishing marginal returns for true love
My view is that Love feeds love


but if you truly love the other party, the likelihood of being more accommodative to accept the change should be high leh


SF , started thread to assess whether I should stay single or consider marriage



why force someone to do something for you? Can give example so that I can understand the context

I skew more towards the piece of paper is not important . I believe that when you fall in love and the love is true mutually , it’s difficult to fall out of love . Call me naive


Love to me is soul mate, a kind of special connection and deep feelings that you have for the other party. You can feel it with your heart

When in love you will want to have a better future together.

So if u do, then u find some answers in it.

Do ask urself the opposite. What is stopping you from marriage rather than whether marriage is important or not.

 

[Geminiboy]

 

[Lolile]

I think most modern people are not looking for love. Don't believe me? What do most women ask and look for? Guys salary, his height, does he have cat, what are his goals, etc, etc. If you want to look for love you would do blind dating, period. So stop asking all these qualifying questions. We are not going for job interview.

You’re painting a grim picture here. Likely girls from dating apps?

Sad sia if the girls are just looking at the man‘s salary , car & material stuff and the guys are just looking for a sex partner

I still believe in love leh

the other day, I was chatting up with a Viet lady working as a waitress in a restaurant and she shared with me that she only met her hubs a few times then marry liao. Hubs is 17 yrs older than her.

Can feel that she is quite resigned to her fate. Sad to marry for convenience. We Singaporeans are actually quite fortunate

 

[kitsura]

You’re painting a grim picture here. Likely girls from dating apps?

Sad sia if the girls are just looking at the man‘s salary , car & material stuff and the guys are just looking for a sex partner

I still believe in love leh

the other day, I was chatting up with a Viet lady working as a waitress in a restaurant and she shared with me that she only met her hubs a few times then marry liao. Hubs is 17 yrs older than her.

Can feel that she is quite resigned to her fate. Sad to marry for convenience. We Singaporeans are actually quite fortunate

Based on what i see on dating apps, websites, and even SNS. I doubt most would have 0 requirements. All dating agencies have a list of "wants" Im sure.

 

[Loratadine10mg]

@Lolile

Then all the nonsense will start..

Blaming u for letting them get sick.

No money to buy refrigerator to keep the food. Now the cake is spoilt and rotten and had to throw away.

You decided you want to eat duck rice.

And you saw the other table duck rice is nice to eat.

The other person was tempted to eat fried chicken rice instead.

The gap and interest just become apart and u no longer see eye to eye.

A lot of wants and but no resources to fulfill and suddenly blaming game started..both of u started to feel miserable and kept thinking that it was an error to eat that chocolate cake

That's how divorce came abt..

@Lolile

I forgotten the ending.

Well it started with a cake. Well, the whole story is that the story must have a good Ending.

The good ending is communication.

Not just one side. But both.

Only that will talk it out to decide how to settle the cake, the burgers and the temptation and make way for longer relationship.

Some ppl cannot get married one. Because they don't like responsibility. Once they get married, they feel trapped. Especially when someone used the baby to jail them.

So not that cannot get married. But the person u know.. how much you really know.

 

[WaterNinja]

Social media really made both women and men disillusioned. Especially those post overseas photos to show off about their happy lives

 

[aranor]

soon to be ex wife thinks im too low SES for her.

so she tried to convince me to sell our house, give her all the money, and let her bring both kids overseas while i still give her money every month as usual.

on a seperate note, my son also saw on her phone messages of i love you you love me with another woman, who happens to be her subordinate a few days before decided to explore divorce as an option.

 

[Kia7200]

soon to be ex wife thinks im too low SES for her.

so she tried to convince me to sell our house, give her all the money, and let her bring both kids overseas while i still give her money every month as usual.

on a seperate note, my son also saw on her phone messages of i love you you love me with another woman, who happens to be her subordinate a few days before decided to explore divorce as an option.

U better have a good talk with ur son or kids. Sg female standard chao pattern, before they official dump u, they will cook up a story to tell her kids/friends/relatives/colleagues say u cheat, rape her mother, gamble n drink, jobless la. Make everyone hate u n look down on u then everyone will encourage her to dump u.

Their SOP of cheating . See also sian

 

[Kia7200]

Society should identity cheating sg female, shame them n punish them. Not reward them for cheating

 

[askxyz]

mostly is due to money matters. other problem like incompatible pesonality, sex issue etc

 

[askxyz]

Divorce rate is quite high these days.
Why do married couples (definitely they were in love with each other once upon a time) fall out and divorce?
Can share your own experience / factors causing the divorce

they just follow the trend (blindly) until it bends

 

[SayPorkGuy]

cos we are in the weak men behkan era. charbohs more are higher educated and earning more. marry up is in their dna.